Normally I get a pile of spam, like everyone, with offers of cheap and inexpensive ways to extend my pen!s (don’t know what’s so exciting about a pen) and various women who have apparently picked up my male ardor over the very essence of the interweb and are keen for us to meet up, or at least check out a few of her photos. And I also get the phishing mails. The “I’ve got to get a few million quid out of Iraq/South Korea/Afghanistan/Croydon please send us your bank details.” type of emails, and I have to confess the first time I received one I was chuffed. It was like I’d joined some sort of club, one which after a while I would have happily been black balled from. But this morning, after an early start yesterday and today what was it that brightened my day but a piece of spam.

It starts pretty normally

DEAR FRIEND,

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY

Ok

My name is  Chan  I work with the  Hang Seng Bank Hong Kong
Before the U.S. and Iraqi war, our client Colonel Sadiq Uday,
who was  with the Iraqi forces and also businessman, made a
numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of
Nineteen Millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars
only in my branch

Hi Chan, glad you put your name in, now we’ve some sort of connection. You work for some bank, OK. And this bloke Uday, sounds familiar – I shall read on. Never know – might be something in this.

Upon maturity several notices was sent to him,
even during the war which began in 2003.

Again after the war another notification was sent
and still no response came from him.

Surely not, that nice Uday can’t have been…No!! Not Uday!

We later found out that the Colonel along with his wife
and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb
blast that hit their home at Mukaradeeb -

And this is the corker – ready?

where his personal oil well was.

!  Spammers of the world!  Come on – I know you’re trying to prove he’s got money, but a personal oil well?  It’s like me claiming I’ve got a Nuclear Power Station in the shed! (Don’t tell anyone about the gold mine in the garden tho)